Rooster Testicles

Confession: Sometimes even I have trouble stomaching this stuff... well... of course, I was hungover again.



Taipei, Taiwan

We were looking for the infamous Snake Alley night market in Taibei, when I spotted a tray of gross looking balls. We weren't sure what they were at first, but the thin veins and tight plump shape hinted that they weren't just a stomach or kidney. We asked... Chicken testicles! "Good for the skin," the lady told us. "Good for male strength," the guy told us, motioning to his groin. That's what it all boils down too -- good skin for women, good erections for men.



We ordered a half dozen of these rooster nuts. They're actually impressive in size, for a bird. As much as I loath to admit, they're bigger than mine. Hard to imagine, eh? Wait, let me check again.... Yep! Wow.

Male chickens are called "roosters" in American English, and "cocks" in English English. Cocks don't have a penis. Go figure. So some scientists (but probably not chicken farmers) call their sexual glands "rudimentary copulatory organs." That's nice and polite, but it probably wouldn't work well when your girlfriend is asking you to talk dirty to her.

In case of a rooster or cock attack, here's what to do... and if you like cocks, there's more info on Wikipedia about them.


Dave refuses to eat the rooster testicle ... but after a sip of beer, realizes he has the balls to eat it...

Snake Alley is funny. They've perfected their trade. Between the restaurants selling deer penis, snake blood, and cock balls (these are all aphrodisiacs), there are sex toy shops, massage parlors, hair salons, and if you wander off the main path, red lights. So within one small alley block, you can get your erection and then lose it -- so efficient! Or get a hair cut to go with your glowing skin. Whatever you fancy.



So we ate the rooster testicles. We asked the chef to cook them simple, so we could really check out their natural flavor. She boiled them in water. They're too big to eat in one bite. The flavor is fairly neutral, and would be good in a curry or with hot sauce. Soft white like soft tofu, in a tight skin like a sausage. The center was liquid like an under-cooked egg or a creamy custard. Is that sperm? Chicken jizz?



More on Snake Alley later...

Toilet Food

Taipei, Taiwan (and, unfortunately, other places too).


Two girls, one toilet

This could go under "Stupid Food Products" but it deserves its own post...

There is a restaurant -- a chain of them, heaven help us -- that serves food in toilets. It's called Modern Toilet and it's poopular with teenage girls. I was wandering about Ximending shopping area in Taipei, near the "American Street" (slang term) where they have hip hop clothing shops and b-boy types rock bi-lingual graffiti. Me and my friend Desoto were DJing outside one of these shops one afternoon. After dropping a bit of bhangra funk, I went for a pit stop.


(My t-shirt is here.)

As I was walking -- I'm sure I'm not the first sucker tourist to fall for it -- I saw a sign that said "Modern Toilet" and thought I'd go in to take a piss. I did. But I also nearly vomited as I watched the patrons eating food out of toilets. [disclaimer: I did, as usual, have a hangover]



Seriously guys. What's up with this? I've heard about these places before, and thought it was some wacko gimmick that would pass -- but this place was packed! There was a line out the door. And it's not the only one!



You sit on Western style toilet seats, drink bubble tea out of mini-urinals, and eat desserts out of little squat toilets. Some of the dishes look like sh*t. Intentionally! Girls with Hello Kitty accessories flock here. More. More.



I couldn't do it. I'm the weird meat guy. I've eaten real poop. But eating food out of a toilet -- file under "wrong", not just weird.

Do you get it? Could you eat food out of a toilet? Even if it looks like a turd? Leave a comment.