Baby Bee Larvae

Kunming, Yunnan, Southwest China. (Yunnan Province is famous for having several ethnic minority cultures)



We usually do our best to avoid places like this. You know, those restaurants that have a song-and-dance routine, and even worse, these "ethnic exploitation" places where they have these teenagers dress up in "traditional clothing" and lip-sync to obnoxious music. They act out story-dances where the boys enjoy working in the fields, and the girls bat eyelashes (with heavy mascara) and act all hopeless and cutesy. Then, after the "performance," drunken tourists go take pics with the "pretty minority girls"... and try not to notice when the "talent" runs in and out of the dressing room as fast as possible, dressed much better and more normal than the tourists themselves, yakking on mobile disco phones. And no one seems to notice that the food sucks, just like at those revolving hotel restaurants at the top of skyscrapers.



Anyway, we were exhausted when we arrived at our Kunming hotel and this restaurant would have to do tonight. Besides, they had bee larvae on the menu! Baby bees -- yum!



They looked like meal-worms, the kind you feed your pet lizard in science class. Actually fatter than that. We would also like to call them maggots. I like that word, maggots. They, like most other bugs and worms we've eaten, were deep fried with salt and pepper and other spices. Crispy and crunchy, we started chowing down on these like we'd had them a hundred times before, after an initial hesitation, provocative photo ops, and quick swigs of "Super Cool [TM]" beer. What can we say? We liked them. They're yummy little munchies. Eat'm up like popcorn.



Even mom liked them, and I was really proud of her, this being her first real weird meat experience. When I placed the order, she said no. But after a beer and watching me eat them like it ain't nuttin', she picked one up with her chopsticks and gobbled it up. Crunch crunch. Then she ate more.



I'd read somewhere that they have a subtle hint of honey flavor, but I didn't catch that nuance. Maybe there's another preparation where you get that taste?

We also had another local specialty called "Crossing The Bridge Noodles," which isn't weird, but it's tasty.

Hey, did we mention we're in Kunming? This is a cool place. Yunnan Province, Southwest China. Hotels are cheap, like in Thailand. It's famous for spring weather all year round, and what a pleasure that is after living in Shanghai. They actually have blue skies in Kunming! I also read that actor Edward Norton and his posse came here and installed solar energy panels on top of buildings around town. Maybe that'll help keep the skies blue. Actually, I was in a movie with Ed Norton. It's called A Painted Veil, and it was filmed in China. I was merely an extra, and in fact you don't see my face the whole film -- but, the final scene -- after Naomi Watts steps out of the flower shop and into the street, the last shot pans onto me as I turn around and walk off. So, you see my ass, and that's THE END.

Yak in Yunnan

On location in Yunnan, Southwest China.

Mom and I recently had a little vacation in Yunnan Province, Southwest China. It was our first time to the region, and we had such a good time, we're already talking about going back. I'll publish a series of stories about Yunnan's weird meat choices over the next few weeks.



Yucky yak steak.

Yunnan borders Tibet, and there are lots of Tibetan people in the area, so naturally, you can find lots of yak meat and yak butter tea. The first we tried was in Dali's old city -- yak steak at a Tibetan theme guesthouse restaurant. It was sweeter than we expected -- sweeter than beef, and not musky like mutton (we expected it to, but were pleasantly surprised, not being big fans of lamb and mutton). This yak steak was tenderized to a flaccid pulp and we shared the leftovers with many of the cute puppies whimpering about. (What is it with Dali and Lijiang -- everyone seems to have a brand new puppy, and they're the most irresistibly cute doggies we've seen anywhere.) We didn't see any on the menu, so we can't tell you if they are as delicious as they are cute.



Little puppy wants some yak scraps.

Next day, before a gorgeous trip up the mountain overlooking Dali and Erhu lake, we had our first yak butter tea. I'm not sure how authentic this one was, but it was by far our favorite of all the yak butter teas we'd try over the next week. It was frothed up like a creamy cappuccino, with sweet-spicy tea (like Indian chai), and yak milk and butter blended into a expertly balanced flavor. Mmmm. One of the culinary highlights of our trip.



Fancy yuppie yak butter tea with frothy yak milk.

Lijiang is further into yak country, so we had the more authentic stuff here. We started with a fine little meal at the infamously named "Flourishing Sanck" [sic] near the village square, which features such chinglish menu doozies as "Potato The Crap". We ordered the stir-fried yak with celery, which was great, and so much better than that sad excuse for a yak steak in Dali. And we ordered the "small pot" of the yak butter tea. This turned out to be an enormous pot enough for 10 people. Completely different from that sophisticated concoction in Dali, this was the real stuff, with a strong yakky-butter smell, and no creaminess. We still liked it, and didn't find it as off-putting as many tourists complain about, but we admit liking the yuppie one better.



Welcome to Flourishing Sanck!

Exploring the charming cobbled-laned village of Lijiang, we found several shacks selling yak jerkies and various dried yak meats. We tasted a lot of these and found them scrumptious.



The spicy fatty one made a nice snack on top of the Jade Snow Mountain. The area around here -- you can see why they're claiming it as the mythical inspiration for Shangri-La. Naxi-Dongba culture is unique -- claims to be the world's only surviving matriarchal society, and the only pictographic language -- and there's an incredible range of herbs, edible plants and mushrooms and flowers.



Atop Jade Snow Mountain (YuLong Shan) north of Lijiang, near Tibet.




Mom, did you fart? Or is that the yak butter tea?