Bird's Nest

The genteel name is "bird's nest," but after our investigation, we found that you're not actually eating the nest, you're eating the bird's "spit" or "saliva." Well, maybe not YOU, per say, but people who do.

These people are beautiful. They stay young and fresh and have perfect facial skin. That's what the stuff claims to do for you, at least.

I'm young and fresh and beautiful too, but this was my first time eating bird's nest. I'd had the convenience store bird's nest drink a few times, in Thailand, for example, but I've been told those drinks are mostly fake. But then last month I saw a new restaurant open on WanPing Nan Lu here in Shanghai, called Yanzhiwu Edible Birds' Nest - "Enjoy the life in birds' nest!". (Apparently bird's nest can make you beautiful, but it doesn't help with your grammar). Coincidently, my young and fresh and beautiful assistant Coco mentioned, only a day later, that I ought to try bird's nest soup.

So we set a date, and canceled it a few times, until we found a civilized time to eat the spit.

The place isn't really a restaurant. It's a shop. A shop with a few tables and a menu, so you can try the bird's nest in a variety of exotic ways -- sweet soups, savory soups, desserts. We ordered two kinds -- one with medicinal fruits, the other with blood. Well, it's not actual blood, but that's what they call it in poetic Chinese (and translation on the menu), because of the dark red color.

The birds are called swiflets, and they live in SouthEast Asia, with the most prized birds living in Indonesia. The brochure claims swiflet spit is good for cell growth, elderly people, the lungs and pancreas, and for women that want to look attractive.

Bird vomit, er uh, spit, is not cheap. The prices at Yangzhiwu range from $22 USD for a small colorless clump to over $1,600 USD a box of highest grade dark red "blood spit." I wanted to know why the prices ranged so much. "Higher quality means higher price" was about all I could get out of the lazy staff there. How does one know which bird spit is better and others? "Oh, yes, this one is better!"

I recommended to the manager that she ought to feed her staff some of the ginseng and gingko enhanced bird spit soups on the menu, reportedly brain-enhancers, and a routine of calisthenics, but my possibly only slightly smart ass suggestions went ignored, I fear.

Anyway, we sat down to eat the stuff. The texture is like shark's fin, that other expensive and controversial delicacy. Doesn't really have a taste in itself, which is why it's always served in a savory, or more often, sweet soup. But that's not the point. You will look all shiney and young if you eat this stuff. If you believe.